From the C3 writer’s conference

Sometimes my mouth gets me in trouble. Maybe I say something because I think it’s funny. And sometimes maybe I shouldn’t.

If you’re a guy, you know the Guy Code. It’s filled with rules and regulations about what guys should and shouldn’t do. Women have their own code. If you’re a guy, you’ve probably wondered about that. Don’t waste your time. As long as we live, we’ll never crack that code.

The Guy Code is not a written code but an inferred one. You learn about it and are reminded about it, not from study but from example. Violations are called out in elegant language in phrases like, “C’mon, man,” and “Not cool, Bro.”

It’s not difficult, but once in a while we forget and need to be reminded. At this year’s C3 conference, I tripped up. And it wasn’t a minor violation, but a big one. Chiseled in stone. Chapter one. As plain as the nose on the face of a clown in the woods, and not a very nice clown.

But timing is everything.

The one thing you don’t do is snicker in the men’s room as you walk by by another guy doing his business. Verboten. Not cool, Bro.

But I couldn’t help myself. On a bathroom break between author sessions and book-signings, I walked by a guy wearing a T-shirt with the capital letters, W W R D, beneath which was written, “What Would Raylan Do?”

If you’re not familiar with the TV series “Justified,” a series based on the books by Elmore Leonard, you may not know who Raylan is. But I did. I knew exactly who Raylan was, and I snickered. It was clever, and maybe the perfect shirt to wear to a mystery writer’s conference. And I couldn’t help myself, but my snicker outpaced my Guy Code recall.

The dude hit me up outside the restroom, reminding me of my Guy Code violation. I acknowledged in authorized Guy Code body language (close eyes; nod with sheepish grin). Before I was able to ask where I could get a T-shirt from this generous, self-creative, in-your-face keeper of the Guy Code, I had to do some quick calculations.

He was a big guy, and the real question was not, What Would Raylan Do? The question was what this big guy would do for my Guy Code violation. Fortunately, the big guy turned out to be Dana King. PI, mystery writer and, of course, Elmore Leonard fan.

Lesson learned? If you’re a writer, and you haven’t read Elmore Leonard, do yourself and favor pick up one of his books. Then go grab one of Dana’s.

They’re killer.

Oh, one more thing. If you’re a guy,and you walk by another guy in the bathroom doing his business, remember the Guy Code. You might not be as lucky as I was.

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I know myself pretty well.

If you read the back cover of my first book, you’ll discover I’ve put myself on the hook for writing a trilogy. I figured if I didn’t do that, I might not even write a one-logy, so it was more of a challenge in consistency to myself than anything else. Plus, I like things that come in threes.

So the logical next step after book one of the trilogy would be book two, right?

I should think so. And don’t get me wrong. I’ve begun outlining book two of the trilogy made some good progress. Then I had some great ideas for the prequel, and not only did I outline it, I wrote a few chapters. Two options now. You’d think that would be it. Mind like water.

Apparently not for me. There I was with two really decent writing projects, and there’s a knock at the door. I LOVE knocks on the door because they’re full of surprises. It wasn’t a literal door, but a figurative door in my mind. Know who it was? Ray Bishop, a self-confessed professional spreadsheet jockey with a dual personality who discovers, much to her dismay, that her alter ego masquerades as a hard-drinking private investigator at night. Check out the first look at Bishop Takes Night.

No, not mind like water. Mind like watermelon. Why? It’s big and round and full of disparate ideas, Inside it’s all slippery, spitting out random seeds of story ideas. Mind like watermelon. It’s a blessing. And a curse.

The quandary? What to do in November? Nanowrimo. National Novel Writing Month. I have a decision to make. Of course, I’m not starting from scratch or even an outline, and I have some things I may join in progress. I don’t have the focus to complete a single project in November, even though I’ll probably write the 50,000 words. For me, every month has become Nanowrimo.

Oddly my dictation software has transcribed Nanowrimo as “Nano crime.” You might call it a mistake. I call it a knock at the door.

Who is it? I bet it’s that damn watermelon again. Sorry, I have to get this.

“Who’s there?”

“Watermelon who?”

“What are melons doing on my porch? OK, very funny.”

Sorry about that.

My advice? If you have to make a decision, don’t ask a watermelon. Of all the melons, they’re the least mature and the most indecisive.

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